Face(book)ing Depression

Everyone has their triggers. Everyone has something that annoys them.

It has been a year now since the Journal of Social and Clinical  Psychology published a study saying that Facebook leads to depression. Other studies have come to a similar conclusion and it may not be limited to Facebook as a platform.

In my way of seeing it, there could be many reasons for this link. First off social media presents a lot of the world in an easily digestible form. Therefore I end up knowing and hearing all too often that the polar ice is melting, whale carcasses are washing up, mass murder is going on, death, destruction etc... All of the things that would normally depress us are amplified. Then there is the whole comparative factor where I get to see my contemporaries who are enjoying their hot tubs and SeaDoos while I am trying to decide if I can afford to get a coffee at Tim's this morning.

Last but not least there is the way that it somehow makes us lose our faith in humanity. I blame this mostly on the comments section. It is as if we gave all the crazies who used to write letters to the editor (and get weeded out) free reign to instantly publish their diatribe to an audience of millions. Thus anti-vaxxers and climate emergency deniers, evolution protesters and, well, mean people, seem to be getting a louder and louder voice. 

I have my own problem that combines the two of these things. Triggers, depression, and "fake news."

It all started when I went to seminary yet continued my unabashed love of storytelling and movies. I watched a lot of movies. There are religious people in a lot of movies. They are by and large Catholics. I remember saying to anyone and everyone who listened that this was a pretty one-sided view of the church and clergy.

Then the Millenium brought to the forefront the wackadoodles, which is the official term, who thought that the world was ending.

But now... Now... I cannot turn to Facebook and scroll without seeing religion portrayed as some abomination. Whether it is people talking about Trump and therefore the conservative right-wing church in the states, or anti LGBQT+ propaganda, or, well, anything.

We have created a world where the wackadoodles get top billing and the moderates or liberals are left shaking their heads.

The thing is, I am depressed because this is becoming the way most people understand the church. Understand me. And I more than ever think we need the opposite.

I know I am over-educated, I know I am liberal and left-wing, but seriously... how can anyone believe some of the rhetoric of these people who have stolen Christianity and made it so narrow and hateful?

Jesus and his followers were exactly like me. left-wing, lovey-dovey, radical protestors who talked about the hippy ideals of love, peace, and understanding. That is not an opinion, that is not a guess, it is historically and accurately portrayed in every facet of not only the Bible but of Roman history. That is why he was killed, as a traitor to the Roman government, for inciting rebellion, in the name of peaceful civil protest for equality.

It is just not really debatable. "Love everyone," said Jesus... and no matter what anyone else said - "you don't mean Romans? Slaves? Blacks? Jews? Samaritans? Cops? Politicians? Sick People? Poor People?" Jesus said, "Did I stutter? EVERYONE!"

But I turn to Facebook and there is a priest supporting Donald Trump. There is a pastor saying gays are going to burn in hell. There is a sociologist blaming the church for racist political agendas.

And I have been forced into the place of an apologist (for those who do not study church history - I mean that academically as the type of Christian writer who writes about the faith for non-believers in order to point out that it is actually a pretty cool thing).

And it is hard. It is what made me take a break from ministry for a while. It is what keeps me up at night. I don't want to be associated with the wackadoodles. But they seem to be multiplying.

Even in the progressive and left-wing United Church of Canada we are becoming more and more conservative and literalist. Both of which are SO not Jesus like that I cannot believe people are not seeing it.

I don't know. Maybe the psychiatrists are right and the only thing I can do is abandon social media.

But then again - someone has to keep trying to present the other side. 

This is Us!

Donald Trump relies on the fact that you believe in stereotypes.

Other people have said this or things like my opening statement to various degrees and purposes. But for now, let me point out that Mexicans are violent drug addicts who somehow live their entire lives trying to steal jobs from ordinary working-class Americans.

One trip to Mexico City should dissuade most people of this. And if that does not work make your way over to the Museo Nacional de Antropología, one of the ten best museums in Mexico City (yes, one of the top ten - there are more than ten) and you will get a pretty complete education of the cultural and historical people of Mexico.

Defining Mexican people as lazy violent sheep stealing vagabonds is about as useful as defining Americans as orange haired megalomaniac sexist racist narcissists.

Most of the world sees this - right? Very few people are so narrow-minded as to say all Americans are, all blacks are, all natives are, all Irish are... It is impossible to lump a whole people into a category and have it hold up (except for Cape Bretoners - they are all the same, what?)

In fact - white male Maritimers like me range from ignorant bastards right through to saints. From smart to dumb and rich to poor. Some are faithful and some are criminals. And that pretty much is just looking at my High School graduation class for statistical analysis.

And then we come to church.

There is this most bizarre of phenomenon where "Are you a Christian" usually means, are you a clone of me. Which is ridiculous.

I overheard a story where a minister actually said: "We don't believe that." to someone. And I am afraid it sort of set me off as this column testifies to. There is no "we." There really isn't. There never was.

If I preach a sermon to 50 people and say something fairly benign. Like, Jesus wants you to be good people. Then I guarantee I have just encountered 51 completely different definitions of the word "good."

Even should I choose to go completely religious on people and say Salvation through Jesus means acceptance into heaven, I have now exponentially diversified belief.  Every single person in the room has their own definition of Jesus, salvation, acceptance, and heaven.

"We believe that Jesus saves us so we get into heaven" is almost a nonsensical statement when you stop and think about it.

And this is where religion has always broken down in my mind - there is no US.

There does not need to be, there should not be. I was asked in an interview "what is your theology" and my answer was that it did not matter. I am not there to make you believe what I believe, I am there to help you work out your own existential questions and come to peace with the universe.

And when we say, people are not coming to church anymore, people are not Christian anymore, etc. The truth is we are defining narrowly again. People are having trouble subscribing to a set of beliefs that institute one way of thinking and declare it to be universally right for everyone.

People are still asking religious questions like why am I here, and what is my purpose, etc. But they want to come up with answers that echo truth and their own experience.

People like Richard Rohr on the one hand, or John Shelby Spong, or Greta Vosper or even Michael Hutchins are actually doing a better job of evangelizing God than most churches. Why? because they are the ones pointing out that the know it all answers of a hierarchical and medieval church might not actually capture faith for the majority of people.

When we step out of the comfort zone and realize that there is no universal truth in the way the church has argued, then we begin to allow people space to actually find faith.

And it is faith in the axioms, the overarching things that human experience reminds us are part of the sacred, part of the divine, like love, like acceptance, like grace, like passion...

Jesus said different things to different people. So did Muhammed and Buddha. All of them were trying to help people find deeper meaning within themselves, to get in touch with their own divinity.

And the only way we are going to contribute to this endeavour, to this "work of God" is to stop with the narrow definitions. To stop with the assertion that there is a right and a wrong way.

I am a Christian who thinks reincarnation makes more sense than heaven (or at the very least I am for Elysium Fields and Valhalla) I am a Christian who thinks Jesus was no more divine than I am. I am a Christian who thinks God is the force from Star Wars. I am a Christian who thinks that Shamanism makes complete sense in a way that Christian Theology does not.

But most of all - I am a guy, who wants you to find and be your best self. I want to explore that with people in song and story and conversations over hot or cold beverages and try to make this world soooo much better. That to me is at the core of the ministry. It has nothing to do with what I proclaim from the pulpit unless what I am saying is, you are loved, you got this, whatever you believe is valid if it brings you a sense of the sacred, and we are all in this together.

Saying there is one true path has never helped anyone. Ever. Ask Jesus.

Deck Chairs

I just came back from the Annual General Meeting for my church Region. Well. For two church Regions that used to be one Conference. If you are not part of the United Church of Canada ignore the second sentence and focus on the first.

I want to be particularly careful in what I say here because for once, what I am about to say is not judgement but an observation. I do not think this is anyone's fault - and I do not think it is unique to the world of churches and their ecclesial hierarchy. I wager those of you who have annual corporate or shareholder, or NGO, or even parliamentary meetings could echo what I am about to say.

What a waste of time that was.

And perhaps this is human nature. Perhaps this is corporate culture. Perhaps there is absolutely no way to satisfy the needs and wants of any group larger than, say, one.

Still, and not to put anyone down, I am going to use an example from three days of church meetings involving 350 people. I don't say I have a better answer or understanding or anything - so don't hear this as chastisement or ego driven or anything - it is... as I have said... observational.

Last year the church voted to divide this group in half - for efficiency, for cost, for a new vision of how we work and are in community. So we began the next phase of church life as Regions 14 and 15 - and hired separate staff and began a separate journey of identity.

We then promptly voted to meet together for our annual meeting anyway.

And then, I kid you not, we spent somewhere up from six hours of business time debating whether or not to continue to meet together.

plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

Okay - think about that a second. 350 people spent 6 hours debating how to circumvent a change to modernize our meeting and governance practices to ensure that they remained the exact same as they have been since 1925. 

That is 2100 work hours of the church to decide we need to spend the weekend together once a year. 

Do you know what other discussions or business we had? Others might interpret reality differently, but I would say nothing. Sure - we rubber-stamped a few things that now we actually do not have a say in any more - such as who was ordained and what the budget is.

Generally, this is what the changes that went into effect six months ago did - gave the power to decide things to a higher court or paid staff and made it easier to get things done.

Except for this meeting.

Now, I am not complaining. I get to take a Sunday off, go there, have my room and board paid for, hang out with friends, drink beer and commiserate.

But this is not a necessary business meeting, although people will stand up and say the reason we need to be together in this fashion is to do then work of the church. And it is not a spiritual retreat although some people will stand up and say it is. And it is not networking although that happens...

Like most of the corporate culture, no one can quite put their finger on why we do it this way and whether or not it works.

I really think this will be the epitaph on the tombstones the cockroaches erect to remember us all. "They always did it this way."

and gosh darnit, we will die trying not to change.

Too Bad We Don't Believe this Whole Death and Resurrection Thing

(as an aside - my brain is constantly at work - but I have to admit that is often because of the conversations I have with many people wiser and more experienced than myself - some of the impetus of my thoughts comes from them - but I do not tell you "Dave said this" because I want to be fully responsible for the upset and ire my blogs create. But I am humbly grateful for those who share their deeper thinking with me)

I am not talking about Jesus.

I am not talking about us.

I am talking about the general philosophical principle that in reality was once the centrepoint of our theology. Things die - things are reborn.

It is at the very beginning of the Bible for God's sake - we get kicked out of the garden and have to start over. The world floods and we have to start over. The prophets are replaced by a monarchy. Deportation and Exile to rebuilding and restoring... Our history, whether written or experienced is one of the old ways dying and the new ways emerging.

To be fair - this often does not go as well as we might hope... just ask Martin Luther - whether you are talking about the medieval or the modern one. When we stand up and admit things have to die, no one wants to hear it. (For that matter, ask Jesus...)

And this is where we find ourselves.

The prophetic voices in the midst of most congregations stand up and say this is a failing enterprise. There are those who admit that our resources are almost depleted and the doors will soon close. And often they are told to hush... that negativity will not win the day... that we should focus on what we have... or some variation of the type of thinking that I fear got us into this mess in the first place.

"What can we do to bring people back into the church" has become our sacred mantra. We invent program, services, music, and outreach based on our belief that the way we do things is not only right but has more meaning than the rest of the world understands.

And I wonder - does all of this mean that we, at our core, do not believe the central tenet of death and resurrection.

See, the whole story of Jesus dying and coming back from the grave on Easter morning was never meant to be about one person - or about supernatural powers - or about heaven... Instead, it was meant to be the philosophical underpinning of kingdom thinking.

Everything Dies - Something New Rises Up

We should all get tattoos of that phrase. We should be required to say it as a mantra. We should come to understand that when Jesus taught us to pray that things on earth would be more like things in heaven - this is what he meant - that we would be able to see that life leads to death leads to resurrection.

And again - it is not about me. It is not about getting into heaven. It is about seeing that everything has a time and place, energy and enthusiasm, an impact and meaning - AND THEN IT DIES.

It is only then that something else comes along to continue on in a different form.

Imagine if this really was our core belief. Imagine if I could say that the people in imaginaryville built this church when the town was founded to give a sense of community and purpose and holiness to the endeavour of creating a town - but that work is finished, it has lived its life, and it is time to die... Let's burn the church and figure out what comes next.

Look around - the modern world does not find meaning in the things it once did. People have changed so quickly and dramatically - the traditional church will not ever come back to life - it has served its purpose....

Now people find meaning in nature. They find meaning in art. They find meaning in online social arguments. They find meaning in the "religious" experiences of a rock concert, or a party, or even a vacation to Disney.

If our goal is to see the Kingdom of Heaven become an accepted reality, why are we holding on to a "kingdom" that was never of heaven and no longer exists? Why are we not looking at the real world and real experiences and saying - how do we find holiness, spirituality, sanctuary, nirvana - however you want to define those thin moments - in the actual day to day reality we face.

What would it be like if we believed that it is possible the local church needs to die in order for something to be reborn from the ashes.

After all - aren't we all about celebrating resurrection?

So Was Marx Right?

It is Holy Week.

A very traditional high holy time where we focus on one or two ideas which force us to equate Jesus with God and, perhaps, limit our understanding to a black and white reality.

To wit, Jesus died for our sins. Or. Jesus rose again to conquer death.

Somewhere along the way, we added layers of dimension which broaden the script somewhat: Death, Suffering, Rebirth. Although psycho-emotionally deeper they still maintain the black and white naivete of people who believe they are bad and believe some external force can save them.

It is this jarring juxtaposition to our understanding of mental and emotional health that really forces me to dig deep in order to do justice to the festival while failing to accept the premise.

Have any of you ever read the poem Bio: Black Baptist/Bastard by George Elliot Clarke?

It is from a book of poems exploring racial identity within Black Canadian - and specifically, Nova Scotian culture... But I am fascinated by the imagery of church that it evokes and essentially blames for the predicament of self-hatred... I present it here in its entirety for your perusal:

 History fell upon us like the lash.

(I am not rash.) Black Baptists wept out prayers—

Passion—to hector tar into nectar,

To harvest undeniable honey,

But our scorched eyes were stooped by white faces,

We sank, stupefied by white capital,

Eating grained self-hatred in our churches,

Gulping Welch's grape juice, bile, and venom,

While chalked Jesus carped at us like a cop,

His sneered face crapping, "God damn your black ass."

Slavery was dead, wasn't it? But blood

Crusted on our rusty-tasting sermons,

A taint of blood for saint-plush lips. We could

Not look at the Adantic and not cry,

"Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" We knew

The terror of evacuated faith.

The stars had fallen cold where they were stalled—

For no one had believed—loved—for aeons.

The air swerves cold with such calamity.

I chronicle a cold, pockmarked epoch,

Map a county where trains gnaw their way home,

Blackened mummies pitch, gutted by gypsum,

Frail Baptists fall, their crotches worm-eaten,

Debris escalates when black ice sleets in.

I come from Windsor Plains, wine-stained poet,

Choosing not to imbibe William Williams'

Rain in the galvanized pail by the well.

Well, as a child, I spread blackstrap on bread

Between bitter dollops of the Bible.

I had to. I was guilty. I had spied

My sun-skinned mother's glaring skin. (I eyed,

Self-condemned, her shimmering, mixed-race breasts.)

Enough snow has fallen without license.

A Putsch arrests my heart. My life's naked.

Listen closely. I am trying to cry.

That's my condemned blood on the page.

Now - I do not mean to appropriate this poem - it is clearly about Black identity and the way self-hatred is ingrained... But what I do want to point out is that the poet himself feels the church, specifically his black Baptist church with a chalk white Jesus has been complicit in this understanding of self as less than.

Is it not at least worth a second of our consideration that this experience is also part of what has driven the masses from our halls? What if we viewed Easter through this lens?

It was Augustine, not Jesus, who claimed we were so evil that only the sacrifice of the blood of a God would save us. He made that up echoing Jewish traditions of sacrifice and scapegoat he probably never really understood in order to appease his own self-hatred for his lust, adultery, and an illegitimate child. (okay, I am being simplistic and harsh - but it is true)

Years later Marx would famously quip that the church was the opiate of the people - that we used it to feel better about our sorry state knowing we would be rewarded in heaven. What Marx also believed but we do not remember is that the church was complicit in the creation of the said sorry state. 

When we declare people sinful - and then offer a way of salvation - are we not just using the system to perpetuate elitism and classism? 

Perhaps. 

But these are the things we don't preach from the pulpit. These are the things that we don't ponder out loud.

It makes one wonder if we are not the enemy to all that Jesus was trying to accomplish. We are a part of the powers of imperialism - whether capitalistic or monarchist - that enslave the children of God through self-hatred.

Why are we not asking if this is not at least a part of why people are falling away - they no longer see "Good News" in what we say because they are capable of seeing the historic and cultural significance in a way they were not before the information age.

So - back to Holy Week. It is not death as atonement followed by universal salvation through defeat of death and rebirth - that is a cultural layer added by the imperialistic church.

For Jesus I think it was political rebellion followed by execution, leading to a new movement.

Jesus wanted us to stop being led by status, by riches, by grasping - and instead to be led by love and compassion. And he was willing to die for his beleif that if we accomplished this, it would be heaven on earth.

I think if presented this way - more people could get behind Easter. 

Death and the Maiden

My wife just underwent emergency surgery.

She is fine. It is better. The sickness is cut out in the form of a blocked duct and she is one gall bladder lighter and comfortably recuperating at home.

Over the last year and a bit, I had four surgeries.

I am now cancer free - but for a while there, what with a grapefruit-sized tumor that could very well have been stage three by the time it was found - the future was uncertain at best.

Still - the one thing I had to come to grips with really fast was that I was dying. If I was "lucky" I would survive this, but with no guarantee that I was not on a quicker path to demise then others. The survival rate for colorectal cancers in Canada is only 64% at five years.

And then who knows - my body has been proven to degrade to cancer in one place - odds are small, like 3% chance of a second different cancer... but there are odds.

I don't say all this to get sympathy - but rather to tell you about the aftermath... The plan...

You see, when you realize that death is imminent you do everything you can to avoid it. Thus four surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, cannabis, and a change to a whole food plant-based diet. None of which are easy or pleasant to cope with when you are forced to do them (well - that is a lie - cannabis is pretty easy and pleasant ;) )

But when faced with great odds of death and poor odds of continued survival - change seems necessary and most of the arguments against it go out the window.

There is also that moment when you look back and realize - if I had not smoked for 20 years, if I had not continued to dip my arms shoulder deep in a vat of acetone while working as a fibreglass canoe modeler, if I had not have eaten meat for almost every meal, and so many other horrible choices - This may not be where I find myself now.

Ok - so this is a church blog - and this is the thing - Jesus used Parables to explain reality in an acceptable way so that we had religious and spiritual understanding. And the above is my parable... and what I want you to say is this:

Imagine there is a church that discovers it is dying...

Ahhh..... there's the rub. You see. This is exactly what happens to us as an institution.

There comes a moment when our mortality takes centre stage. There comes a moment when we say, the survival rate at five years is 64% at best. There comes a time when we frantically do everything possible to try and prolong that life expectancy.

And how much easier, how much better would it have been if we either did the things from the beginning - or at least had yearly check-ups where we asked ourselves, how can we be healthier? Where are we declining the most?

There is a clear parallel here and for some reason, human nature is all about pretending it won't happen to us. But it will. Or something else will. But mark my words. If we just pretend everything is okay, one day it won't be.

My church has 5,000 set aside to hire a new minister. For advertising, moving expenses, etc. Now - most of them hope I never leave. But wouldn't it be less stressful to have the means to put on a really good job search should that day ever come?

This is the way we need to start thinking about everything. Aging people are going to stop contributing. Population shifts are occurring. There are a hundred little changes happening year over year and we should be proactively looking at them and adapting.

Which is also - if you want to look at it a different way - what Coca Cola or any successful company does. At some point, someone pointed out that people were getting healthier and so the next year coca cola started selling health drinks, then straight up bottled water - changing year after year to meet a different perceived need.

Time for some serious health checks and product evaluation...

Musings On Critical Thoughts

I have a friend who grew up in a somewhat harsh religious environment. It became a defining moment for him when the minister continuously called out people for thinking too much.

Education was just a way, after all, of putting your trust in the "man" and in the world - rather than in God. So we are talking no university, cursory public education, and certainly no questioning of the biblically inerrant truths.

Now - my first reaction to hearing stories like this is always to be shocked. My second reaction is, admittedly, sort of snobbishly belittling the folks who do not have 12 years of University education like I do and certainly know far less about the world then I do.

But later, when I am putting my ego and elitism to rest and letting go of my own raft of insecurities, I react differently.

There is some truth here. 

The overwhelming plethora of knowledge that has come to haunt us has moved us away from the mystery. And it is not always a good thing. We seek answers in order to seek control. Control of the weather, control of the knowledge, control of the building blocks of life itself.

And perhaps I would never stand in a pulpit and say that rocket ships invading the space of heaven are angering the old man in the clouds. Nor would I say that cloning is usurping the power of God and we are headed for a Babelesque fall...

But the idea that I can explain everything because I am smart, does not serve me very well.

Religiously it serves me even worse. Instead of asking what the story of the flood was all about, I can claim that it is a myth, present in all world religions and cultures, that speaks to cultural insecurities. Instead of seeing Jesus as somehow so special I should actually pay attention to him I can tell you through critical analysis that most of the words attributed to him in the Bible are made up - and the stories - the miracles - pfffft. Wishful thinking of later followers looking back.

But does that knowledge serve to deepen my faith, or weaken it?

Let me throw something at you from left field to show what I mean. If any of you have ever gone to Disney World as a child, and then again as an adult, you will realize that there is a WORLD of difference. When I was nine, I actually flew over London with Peter Pan. When I was forty I was able to say, this is really cool how they create this effect like we are flying! I dove 20,000 leagues under the sea at one point, in later life to realize the submarine never even went under the water.

How about Christmas, Easter, Losing my teeth? Are those things better or worse with more knowledge?

Do you remember when a tree fort was an actual fort in the middle of the wild west, or you really were looking for buried pirate treasure in your backyard?

The dissolution of childlike wonder and innocence are the greatest loss possible for a human being.

But... And this is a real problem... I know better.

I see how the Bible was written, edited, redacted, changed. I have personally translated books from Hebrew to English and know how each translation requires making things up and choices. The curtain has been pulled back on most of the world - from Disney through to movies, right down to McDonald's. And I do not think I am the worse for knowing the machinery that makes the magic happen.

What I have to do is a psychological process called willful suspension of disbelief.

In other words - in order to enjoy Christmas I have to somehow will myself to believe that Santa exists. In order to enjoy Disney World I have to willfully believe that I have traveled to another realm - be it the jungles of Africa or outer space. In order to engage - I must disengage some critical thought.

I am a progressive, over-educated, liberal Christian. I do not rationally believe in miracles or divine beings.

But some of the time - some of the time I do.

What is it that Shakespeare once put in the words of Hamlet?

"There are more things in heaven and Earth, Horatio / Than are dreamt of in your philosophy"

And so I think we often get lost on the wrong things. It does not matter whether Adam and Eve are real, the flood happened, or even if Jesus came back from the dead. In my mind it is probably bunk. But what matters is how I feel when I let myself believe.

When I do that - I see the world as full of miracles - and I beleive in everyone around me.